Waiting, waiting, waiting. If I got paid by the hour to wait like I do to work, I'd be a millionaire by now.
My whole life I've waited for something better. I never wanted to settle. Wait for the better guy, the one you want. Wait for that better job, you'll make more money. Wait for the better computer, this one will be outdated in a month. Just wait.
This is all great in theory, but in practice I'm impulsive and physically cannot wait. I dated guys who had no interest in anything but sex, and I'm hurt because I expected differently? I took jobs as they came and had to leave the city I love because I no longer had money. This computer was replaced with those shiny aluminum iMacs three weeks after I bought it.
And even now, I'm waiting. I'm hoping for news on a job, and quietly socking away money and positivity until I hear. I'm waiting on the boy every night--will he text me? When will he have a weekend to get together?--and I go to bed sad and disappointed when he doesn't get in touch. I wait for old friends to remember I exist, and new friends to discover me.
This is all very passive, and for someone who wants so much out of life, so much more than marriage and babies, it's a pretty shitty way of showing my strength.
I understand this entirely. Even though you're young, you just feel the time ticking away. I just keep thinking that I'll never get all this time back. It's great when these feelings give you the motivation to DO something about it, but sometimes, it just sucks everything out of you--like you've lost too much time to do anything about it.
ReplyDeleteExactly. I'll be 23 this year, and while I know that's still young, I feel like I haven't done so much yet that I'll never have the time to do it, like I only have one window of opportunity for everything, and it's gone. It's frustrating and I hate just sitting around thinking about it.
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